Joshua Judges

I'd just like to say that I now officially agree with most of Graham's political beliefs. For those of you who know my situation and understand the struggle that this election season has been for me, that is incredibly freeing to finally recognize my feelings on the situations America faces.

I wasn't able to vote in the election because I registered three years ago in Fullerton, but my change of address form got lost in the mail and wasn't filed in time to participate this past Tuesday. I understand that that means I have no right to complain about anything that may happen :) but just know that I would have participated if I could have.

I just finished reading an interesting conversation on the Fresno Pacific message boards concerning Prop 4 and Prop 2 (which then evolved into a right-to-life debate) and felt compelled to share briefly my opinion on the situation and basically my experience at Fresno Pacific concerning all things political.

Fresno Pacific claims to be a university "founded on Christ" and features this slogan on their original school logo and in some marketing materials. Now, to increase enrollment as our debt skyrockets, we have switched to a more inviting and modern color scheme and logo and, in turn, have dropped what little reference we had to Christ from our marketing material. See, it is my observation that the school no longer prides itself on offering a subtly Anabaptist Christian experience laced through a liberal arts education (the reason I chose to attend the school... that and I figured I'd find me a nice man there, and I sure am glad that worked out!). In fact now the strategy is to sell the school as open and all-inclusive, embracing those of any walk of life. I originally liked that FPU wasn't as rigorous as other Christian schools like Biola or Westmont where chapel and essentially the Christian experience is thrust upon them. (I think they also had to electronically sign a proclamation of faith to be accepted where FPU does not... in essence you're not required to claim a Christian faith to attend.) I am not at all about to judge a person for his or her beliefs and feel that they should be excluded from experiencing all that FPU has the potential to be. This lapse in Christ-based education, however, has brought about some interesting opinions into this otherwise black-and-white realm of ideology.

I admire most of the English professors for their extra effort to bring religion into the classroom, and though they are presumably part of the liberal academia, I respect them for their knowledge and what they choose to share with their students. It is this lack of Christian character found in the acceptance criteria for this financially-struggling school that offends me. College is of course the time to look introspectively, to discover and grow into the person we are to become, so those who may have grown up in a Christian home, chose to attend Pacific for it's Christian value system and then later changed their mind about life, they shouldn't be kicked out of school obviously. I just wish a lot more emphasis was placed on the type of student accepted as a Sunbird, or at least a lot more emphasis placed on what is expected after classes begin.

This sounds like a big complaint about all those "tree-hugging devil-worshipers that have invaded my campus", but it's not. I struggled with this idea for a long time, but have ultimately decided that I am a Christian before I'm a republican and thus I choose to follow my religious beliefs when making decisions in the voting booth. I understand that not everyone in the country is a Christian, but voting is the opportunity for my one voice to stand up for what I believe in, and I want to take advantage of that opportunity. I won't go into Prop 8 whatsoever, but with the situation of Prop 4 I feel the answer is simple: we cannot successfully and safely eliminate all forms of abortion for obvious reasons. Our effort should be put into cutting down the number of abortions, and this proposition would allow that to happen. There are loop holes and ways around the situation if alerting your parents would put you into physical danger. God created a life and we have no right to take it away. (Another example of my choice to follow Jesus and not the "Religious Right": I am against the death penalty.) I feel like there should be no debate whatsoever on when a life begins. Two cells become one and voile! You have a little growing being! Just because he's swimming around for a few months doesn't mean he's not alive. Just like most things in life it is so easy to misinterpret or skew this situation to fit a certain opinion or opportunity, but life is not one of those things to be messed with.

Anyway, back to Fresno Pacific... reading a few posts from fellow students are blatantly pro-choice broke my heart. I guess all I can do is be glad God brought them here to Pacific and hopefully through our two required Bible classes they may see some value in the sanctity of life.


"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Teach a Man to Fish

I've always prided myself on my ability to differentiate between instruction and indoctrination from professors that probably have a different take on life than I do. This semester, however, I've second guessed my critical thinking skills time and time again, and specifically in my Critical Approaches to Teaching, my new realizations are enough to set me back in my mission to become a secondary ed teacher.

I decided I wanted to be an English teacher my sophomore year of high school when I realized, through my teacher at the time, that the classroom doesn't have to be cliche. Things could be unique and fun, and creativity could be explored right along with the standards initiated by the state and district. Because I was already a big fan of school, I decided that I wanted to share my love for the English language with students in a fun and creative way. Over the next six years I changed my mind several times thinking perhaps teaching wasn't for me, but ultimately I decided it was the field I needed to explore. Today, however, all the ideas we've explored in my Teaching class culminated into one big confusing mass of doubt.

The only experience I have to feed off of is GATE and AP classes. I took four college prep classes in high school, all electives or non-core classes: two years of PE, Spanish 1, and Physics (also things like band and yearbook). I was the student that studied 15 minutes before the test, never read the book, and barely struggled in my four years. By simply going to class, doing the homework, following the rules, and being the "obedient" student, I received the number 1 position in my class ranking. High school wasn't a breeze, and I did spend many hours completing nearly every homework assignment, but for the most part I found little struggles.

I also came from a very solid family background. My parents celebrated 27 years of marriage this past September, and though our house certainly wasn't anywhere near the Cleavers', we were generally happy. My father made every effort to guide my sister and I down a path he deemed most successful, and we were constantly supported and encouraged at home. They also made sure to teach my sister and I all about the ethic and moral implications in life as well as instill a firm foundation in our Christian faith. They prepared us for college and our future career and encouraged us to do the best we could each and every day.

I say all this because I never had to utilize my administrators and teachers for anything other than the subject material in class. (This obviously excludes relationships built with my band teacher, Bible club adviser, or Academic Decathlon coach as those invited more personal settings than just the student-teacher environment.) A teacher never looked at me as a concern for emotional or family struggle; I had very few external conflicts affecting my educational experience. Because of this, I know very little about what all a teacher is capable of in the classroom. I don't think of it as a position to change lives outside of the white board and textbook. I'm struggling severely to see it as a broad responsibility and a thoroughly engrossing occupation.

I want to teach. I do. I want to show those 12-year-olds how important it is to develop good writing skills and have fun discussing those short novels and all the fun parts of junior high language arts. I don't know. Honestly, I think it'll all work out, and with time, I'll adjust and learn to help each student with each obstacle they face in and out of the classroom. I guess today's class discussion simply raised the question: does the best student make the best teacher?

We'll see how teacher education and actual classroom experience pans out. I'm not giving up; I'm just trying to do be open to all the position holds.

The Poli Sci Major in Me is Back

I'm getting kind of pissed off.  I'm not usually one of those "I'm angry-- I should go rant online!" type of bloggers, but I'm really getting kind of pissed off.  

So Sarah Palin.  I like her.  Graham woke me up the other day with a "He picked his VP and it's Sarah Palin, the Gov. from Alaska" text message. 

 K that didn't mean much to me.  Alaska.  It's cold there.  Like, really cold.  Glaciers, ANWR, and block parties with Russia.  Isn't that pretty much it?  Still, after I started watching a few things on TV and doing some reading online, I really started to like her.  She's young and eager and not afraid to take on this huge battle of proving her competency and capability regardless of being "experienced" or not.  It is this huge stink the Democrats have raised that pisses me off, though.  Here we go:

1: Sarah Palin on perezhilton.com

I read Perez Hilton on a regular basis because a little gossip is kind of fun from time to time.  It's what he's been saying about McCain's VP candidate that has been driving me crazy though.  These thoughts are just things that popped up while I was reading a few new posts he has up.

This little snapshot was featured in Perez's most recent overblown tidbit about Palin's "Skeletons in the Closet".  Apparently Palin's people released this picture to AP, God knows why, but who cares?!  In case you can't read it, her shirt says "I may be broken but I'm not flat busted."  Ummm she was in college.  The fact that she was young and had a sense of humor, be it cheesy or not, doesn't make her incapable of being a successful VP.  It just disgusted me.  The bit about her that featured this picture also went on to say how she may have lead her teenaged pregnant daughter Bristol by example with her shotgun wedding in 1988.  Her oldest, Track, was born 8 months later.  Ummm she was 24.  She was young.  She married the guy, and they're still married and going strong.  People make mistakes.  We get up.  We try our best to make things right, and we go on with life.  He also posted a few of Bristol's MySpace pictures that show her drinking at a party.  She's 17, and he is basically mocking Palin by pointing out her daughter's participation in underaged drinking.  Come on!  Hey, Perez!  How many times did you dabble with a little alcohol before you turned 21?  I know I did.  Again, it doesn't make it ok, but come on!  Kids do things, no matter how much their parents advise against it.  That doesn't demean Palin's capabilities in the slightest.

2: Palin's Completely Compact Platform of Values

Perez, in an earlier post, said "Everybody's got their skeletons, but not every gun-toting, pro-life, anti-gay rights mother of 5 is running for Vice President!"  

A) It was a recent decision for me, but maintaining the institution of marriage as a union between a man and woman doesn't exactly qualify as anti-gay rights.  I'm against gay marriage, but that doesn't mean I'm against the concept of things like civil unions which grant complete economic, etc. rights to homosexual couples in America.  If your loved one is in the hospital, by ALL means, you should be allowed in the room; if you love someone and live with them, you deserve all the rights to tax breaks, insurance, all that.  Beyond my newly rediscovered conservatism, I am a Christian who believes marriage is a God-breathed sanction between a man and a woman.  It's a technicality, but that's how it works in my opinion.  It really is as simple as that.  Many would say that denying marriage is anti-gay rights, and I can see your point, but I have to disagree. 

2)  Palin also supports the second amendment and wants to allow citizens the option of owning a firearm.  Guns scare the crap out of me!  I hate them!  ...but it's because I know nothing about them.  It's also why I'm scared of traveling to China not knowing the language or whatever.  There's lots of reasons why the second amendment is important, but you've heard them all before, so I'll continue with the list.

3)  Britol's Baby and Pro-Life Conservatism:  So her daughter got knocked up.  I hate when people are all down with lots of sex, safe sex, but if you get pregnant, you're a slut.  Ok, so the condom broke, and oops now you're a slut.  It's stupid.  Again, it doesn't make it ok, but leave the kid alone!  She made a bad choice, but she's almost 18 and she's choosing to marry the father.  She didn't choose to murder Cupcake or Atlas or Ukulele or whatever she decides to name the little one.  She chose to face the fact that she made her choice when she had possibly unprotected sex at her age and in her situation.  Her mother and the rest of her family are supporting her and plan to help her through this process.  I think that is highly admirable of Palin, not because she possibly went through the same thing, but that she is showing a strong family unit, based on unconditional love regardless of outside circumstances (like, umm, running for Vice President of the United States).  Good for her.  Bristol is so blessed to have parents who are supporting her and not just kicking her out to fend for herself... or, like Obama has said he'd do, encourage Bristol not to "ruin her life" by having a baby and to have it "taken care of".

3:  Country First

They're also reporting that Palin used to support the Alaskan Independence Party, the kids that support Alaska's separation from the US and becoming its own country.  (Bad call, by the way.  We're talking like Greenland: The Sequel, and who wants that?  Except could you imagine how crazy rich they'd be once they could drill as much as they wanted and start selling the oil to the US... actually maybe that is a good call, hmmmmm)  Anyway, they (the liberals who are nervous and have resorted to covering their worry with candidate gossip) say her involvement with the party is not in line with McCain's "Country First" campaign theme.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought "Country First" implied that other political approaches looked at politics first, what is expected of them on the Hill and what the people "expect" from their leader.  The concept of "Country First" means who gives a crap about what Capitol Hill wants?!  What is best for the country as a whole?  What does the country need?  What can be done to help improve the country, not the reputation and wallet size of its elected politicians?  Just because Palin once saw the potential of a successful, independent Alaska doesn't mean she doesn't support the concept of looking out for the people.  Her personal life obviously has enough red flags to rake her over the coals; if she didn't put her country first, why would she put herself through this?  If McCain didn't put his country first, if he wanted to fit the mold and play the games, he wouldn't have taken the risky but right choice of Palin.

4:  To sum it up...

Palin has executive experience, more than all the other parts of this foursome combined (which is zero).  She is a hardworking mother and successful leader.  Her son is going to Iraq next week, so her choices concerning the war in Iraq aren't just "Country First", they're "Family First", and that is a good component of motivation.  She supports and believes in the core values of the Republican party.  Who cares if the woman has a couple kids who have rebelled a little?!  Nearly half the country is going to rebel against her in a way as soon as she takes office, so oh well.  People do that.  People get headstrong, like me, and think they're right, like me.  Except not like me, because I AM right.  :)

So there you have it.  A rambling, I know, but I just had to vent about that one.  Have a lovely RNC!

working for the weekend

It's going to be a good week.  I really hope it is.  I'm working tonight from like 4 to 9 because I like Matt and he wanted an evening off.  I get to see Graham this week too, maybe twice, if Matt likes me as much as I like him and covers my shift on Friday so I can head to the coast.  Graham's hit four home runs in six games and I've missed every single one.  Makes me feel like crap for not being there.  At least it doesn't bother him all that much.  After that is just more work, Wednesday maybe, Thursday, Friday maybe, Saturday and Sunday of course.  My summer school job starts a week from today.  I'm not all that nervous, but I will be pretty soon I'm sure.  Teaching 5 year olds how to make cookies won't be so bad.  It's the 13 year olds and the fact that they're probably better than me already that scares me.  I'll survive.  For $2200 in six weeks, I'll survive.

My 21st is coming up at the end of the month.  I'm not all that terribly pumped.  I mean, it's exciting because my dad's buying me a bluetooth for my cell phone and my mom might get me an iPod, but other than that, eh it's just another birthday.  It might be because I have to teach class the next morning, and Graham won't be here.  Neither will Erica.  I'm going to try to head to the coast that day, too, because Graham has a game and that sounds fun.  You should come with me.  We'll make a party out of it.  Hooray.

what do May flowers bring?

It's been a while.  I apologize.

The twists and turns of life have been a-twisting and a-turning over the past few months.  I finished my first year at Fresno Pacific and the grades were so-so.  The English program is really great though, and I'm still very, very happy with my decision.  In March I started dating Graham and he's definitely why I've been so happy these days.  We became practically inseparable so him moving back to Tulare after classes ended was a little tough.  We're totally fine though and so exciting to watch our relationship develop.  He left for the summer today to play baseball on an independent league team in San Luis Obispo (oh I know, poor him) (slorattlers.com), so hooray for long distance UH-gain.  It won't be that bad though.  He'll be having a great time doing what he loves in about the best city to do it in (not to mention most of the away games are in Santa Barbara and Santa Maria), and I'll be busy working.  I'll see him every 10 days or so, so not a problem.

That leads me to work.  I got a job at the cafe in Barnes & Noble in Riverpark and I've been working at least 25 hours or so since early May right after I moved into my apartment.  Right now I'm living with Jan and Sara, but Sara is moving out when Katie gets back from Germany and they find their own place.  My new room mate Kristin is moving in when school starts.  It's a really nice 2 bed-2 bath in Sierra Meadows off Bullard and Blackstone.  It's pretty awesome (especially the having my own room and bathroom part).  

The end of June brings my 21st birthday.  Kinda excited about that.  I'm just excited about the excuse for spending time with my sister and then having an awesome weekend at the coast with Graham.  He really is fantastic.

K I'm done updating you.  I hate update blogs.  Sorry.  I'm going to try to post more often this summer now that I finally have internet again, so we won't have to do this every time.  Ok?  Ok.  Have a good one.

For once in my life

I'm beginning to see a trend in the events of my life. They never seem to turn out the way pop culture would like them to. For example, my 16th birthday, instead of at a spectacular Sweet 16 party or even a movie night with friends, was spent with my immediate family plus Grandpa Jack at Macaroni Grill with a bit of Cold Stone to follow. I never went to my high school's prom (ok, so I went to both Liberty's and Centennial's, but never made it to Shafter's) and I spent almost every night of senior year behind the counter scooping ice cream at Cold Stone. I went away to a school my parents picked for me and I didn't attend my first college "party" until early in my sophomore year. I learned quickly that that scene wasn't for me and entered a long-distance relationship that kept me locked up in my room either on the phone or crying about not being on the phone for most of my 19th year. I say all this now, and I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not, to emphasize my most recent spring break. I didn't have the tropical vacation or the crazy nights away from school, although it doesn't look like many of my friends did either. I went to Fullerton to see some old friends but ran into some drama that was unexpected and a little hurtful. I also visited a new friend while I was there, and that, though certainly the highlight of my trip, didn't pan out the way I'd expected it to either. I came home early and slept most of the time. I watched a lot of The Office and tried to bond with Abby, the new puppy that I've hated since the day I had to wash my new sheets three times because she "just got excited" and peed all over them.

I don't know why I'm writing this sad blog full of melancholy complaints. I'm not unhappy about anything... well except not being able to afford that apartment with Kim for next year. That kinda makes me sad. Other than that, I'm doing ok. I just didn't want to go to sleep yet and thought I'd write something. I apologize for the monotonous whining that this quickly became. So yeah...

Something I can't define

I kind of started writing my book late last semester. I'll write a book someday, and I might as well start now when my life is at least somewhat interesting. Instead of sitting down and developing this fabricated failure of a character and describing all the mishaps in her life, I've been journaling. I type out a paragraph, a sentence, a thought every couple of days. I've only let two people read it so far. Becca, who knows all of it anyway, and Lucas, who I think I will always love in some strange way, that foggy area between friends and lovers that can never be explained. That's how I'll love him. Anyway, I started writing my book, and I just wanted to share that with you.

I also cut my hair. I got real, legitimate bangs, and there's no point in me telling you this because whoever you are you've either seen me in person or the pictures on Facebook, but oh well. I decided I wasn't "indie" enough so I cut my hair like Kate Nash's and bought some bright colored tunic dress shirt things to wear with skinny jeans and flats. I'm not sure if I feel like that's bad or not. Is it wrong to want to change your style, or I guess it's more enhancing my style? Well, I did it. I hated the bangs, but they're growing on me, no pun intended.

This is a lame, non-philosophical blog, and I apologize. I'm supposed to write about 500 words for History of Theater tonight, but I don't want to. I wrote this piece of crap instead, and now I'm going to finish season 3 of Friends. It's not due until Friday. Sweet.